I know this post is not like what I usually do here, but I’m feeling led to write.

Last night I had a dream where I was with this documentary film crew that was doing a movie on suicidal teens. They talked to people with mental disorders like Autism, down syndrome, eating disorders, and so many more, who had been suicidal in the past. Next we went to a patch of woods that was frequently used by people trying to kill themselves. There was this huge rock covered in names of all the ones who had taken their lives there. Do you want to know what I did? I fell over, sobbing and holding my chest. I played on the ground screaming “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!” In my sleep I felt grief. It was like nothing else I had ever felt before. It wasn’t just some dream, I know that God was showing me this for a reason. Would you like to know that reason?

I love you.

That’s right. I love you. So much so that it feels like a knife is being wrenched into my heart right now. It doesn’t matter who you are or where you’re at or what the world says is wrong with you. I love you just the way you are. So, if you are attempting suicide, are thinking about committing suicide, or have a friend who is suicidal, please don’t do it. Or talk them out of it, if that doesn’t work then tell someone “But Alex, they trust me!” What’s more important? Your friend’s life or them being mad at you for a little while?

If you are going to kill yourself because your lonely, my email is alexcharming8@gmail.com I am available at any time. I check my email about once every hour or so during the day, I’m up late and I can wake up early if you need me.

If you are going to kill yourself because your in an abusive relationship or one/both of your parents beat you, then leave. Go to a friend or relative’s house. If there aren’t any near you then find someone you know and will protect you. If you can’t do that, head to a police station, church, restaurant, store, any where there’s people, and seek sanctuary. Again my email is alexcharming8@gmail.com and I will do what I can for you.

If you are going to kill yourself because you have a “mental illness” then stop. Storytime. I know this girl, she’s about five years old, and she has Down Syndrome. Let me tell you, that little girl is one of the smartest and sweetest person I have ever met. You are not a freak or a monster or a mistake. You are a blessing to this world and I love you more than I can say.

If you are going to kill yourself because you came out as gay/lesbian and the world is hating on you, who cares what the world says? I don’t support homosexuality, but I love you. If you need a friend who won’t judge you or a christian who won’t push their religion on you my email is alexcharming8@gmail.com and no matter how gay you are I will talk to you. I love you.

If you are going to kill yourself because your parents kicked you out, I will be your mother now. I may be 15 but I am your mother now. I’ll love you forever, no matter what you do. Contact your new mom at alexcharming8@gmail.com.

If you are going to kill yourself because your pregnant, STOP! Do you have any idea what I would do to have a baby of my own? You have been a gift. Who cares if you had sex before marriage? (Technologically I’m supposed to, but not here. Your life is more important then me trying to rub the Bible in your face) If the child is a result of rape, then be glad that one good thing has come out of this. I love you and your baby, and I will do anything I can to help you out. alexcharming8@gmail.com

If you are going to kill yourself because you lost a loved one, please consider this- would that person want you to die and miss out on life? I get it, grief isn’t fun. I lost my granny a few years ago and it still hurts. There are times when I’ll be going about my day when it hits me, she’s gone and never coming back. But I know that she loved me and wouldn’t want me to kill myself over her. I miss her, but there’s so much here, in this life, to keep going for.

If you are going to kill yourself because the world says your weird or a freak, listen. I understand that it’s hard. I’m the oldest of eight kids and we are all homeschooled, vaccine free, open minded, christians. I have been suicidal in the past. I have felt the urge to self harm. Recently, in fact. When I was younger I used to bite myself all over. You want to know why I don’t any more? Because I don’t want my mom to know. I never killed myself because I didn’t want her to feel that she had failed. Guess what. I now know that I have the possibility of having a family of my own some day. I get to stick around and watch my little siblings grew up and become amazing people. Just because the world says it, it doesn’t mean it’s true. God loves you for who you are, he loves me for I am. And I love you too, my fellow dorks.

If you are going to kill yourself because you were/are in the armed forces and it’s messed you up, please stop and read on. Thank you for what you’ve done for me and my nation, or your nation. It doesn’t matter what you did, you did what you had to do. I can’t speak from experience, but things will get better. My dad has a friend who had to pick up pieces of their best friend, and now he has a beautiful wife and several wonderful kids. Not only that, but he is one of the funniest and calmest people I have ever met. If you need help, some one to vent to, some one to help, my email is alexcharming8@gmail.com

If you are going to kill yourself because you think no one will ever love you, I have felt that way before. I know the feeling of hopelessness, of fear and pain that comes along with this. I am surrounded by a loving family, and I still feel like this. Listen, we have futures. Someday you will wake up to kids jumping on top of you, your significant other laughing in your ear and life vibrating all around you. I love you, and I’m a someone.

If you are going to kill yourself because you were raped, I’m sorry for what happened to you. There is nothing I can say that will make you forget. Please do not kill yourself because of what that person did to you. I still love you, nothing will change that fact. You are perfect and beautiful and nothing anyone does or says will ever change that. I know people who have been raped, and one of them I know for a fact has a wonderful life and she is surrounded by people who love and support her.

If you are going to kill yourself because you’re addicted to a drug or alcohol, life doesn’t end here. There’s this guy that I’ve known for almost my entire life that was addicted to some drug and now hes got a job, a family, and so many friends that care about him. Its hard to quit. I’ve never been addicted to anything, but I know, because I’ve seen it enough times, that its hard, almost impossible, to quit. But not completely impossible. There is hope for the future, no matter how bad it may look now.

If you are going to kill yourself because the world says you’re ugly, join me and laugh. What the world thinks is beautiful is photoshop. You are gorgeous, every last inch of you. I don’t think I’m pretty, and yet there’s a cute boy in youth that seems to like me. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, right? Well, maybe your just talking to the wrong beholders. What they believe is “beautiful” is not what I think is beautiful. It doesn’t matter what you look like, what color of skin you have, we all breathe and live and love and hope. We are not all that different. The biggest difference is who we choose to listen to.

I love all of you.

If your reason isn’t up there then my email is alexcharming8@gmail.com and no matter what it is that makes you upset, I will talk to you. I love you so much, please don’t hurt yourself any more then the world already has. It won’t make things better. If there is even the smallest hope of life and love and a future, than shouldn’t you grab it? If you’re in a cave and its pitch black, you can’t see your own nose, and you see a light ahead, are going to run and embrace it, or run the other way?

I love you!